My life has gone crazy - So how do I pray?

I have been in this spiritual war for my marriage and my husband since 2005.  I experienced only just enough of a break for a few months in 2008, then 2009, and 2010 with a very brief peaceful interlude in 2011, to keep me in the fight. In the past year however, with an intensification of the spiritual warfare praying for my spouse and for my marriage has become progressively difficult.

My head knows that God is clear in Malachi when He says I HATE DIVORCE, but my heart cries ENOUGH. Prayer and time with the LORD exist not as luxuries but as a necessity for my own healing and peace of mind, yet what to pray and how to pray becomes a war all by itself.

Concentrating in my prayers on my spouse or my marriage, the scattering and withdrawal of the older children, and the pain and lashing out of the younger ones, only fertilizes my bitterness and the unforgiveness in my heart. No useful or productive fruit seems to come of praying against or about the circumstances. So how do I pray?

First, I ask the LORD to show me how to pray, to put into my heart the way and the things I need to pray for, and I pray constantly if I want peace.

With a little effort you can pray as you work, walk, and go about the tasks and mechanics of your day . As a result of this continually (sometimes every five minutes!) of asking Jesus to show me how to pray is why I believe the last few weeks my prayers have been honed down to the simple things: change me, teach me to be kind; renew my mind; purge my heart; let me abide in You, let me rest in your peace, and help me not to get in my own way.

That part about getting in my own way has become an important battle all of its own.

When the flesh is hurt it wants attention. It will drive you to lash out, to make your case, to rally supporters, or whatever it takes to try to find comfort and distraction from the pain. Giving into that impulse however, only makes the pain worse, creates larger problems, and draws more people into the pit with you.

Mastering the flesh becomes crucial. No strength in numbers exists in a pit. The objective must be to get out of the pit, not develop a neighborhood.

Mastering the flesh is harder than one would suppose, too. My first task has been to quit smoking; a lifelong habit I started at 11 and have kept up for the 40 years since. But as of the writing of this post I begin week three smoke-free.

Nicotine withdrawal has not added to my emotional stability, but I firmly believe that if I am to become the master of my flesh that I need to be to finish honorably this marriage-war, then I cannot ignore the mastery of addiction over my flesh.

Isaiah 43:19 keeps rising up within me. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

I want to be teachable and eager to be changed. I want a closer walk with the LORD. I want the renewal in my life, my spirit, my mind, and my heart to be ongoing. I want rivers of Living Water to flow through me, cleansing me, constantly. And a smoke-free life is a new thing and cleansing; and it is a habit I know I cannot conquer without God. It is big enough to train me, but small enough to manage.

The victory day-by-day, even hour-by-hour, strengthens me, strengthens my faith, strengthens my resolve.

So give yourself a tough fight, but something outside the circumstances that are exploding in your life. Realize that at the end of the day, all of your battles are the LORD's, then find something in your flesh that you CAN control to distract you from trying to control what only God can resolve beyond your flesh.

Don't pray for God to change "them" or to change the circumstances. Ask Him to change you and teach you out of the circumstances.

Pray to see what you need to see, to discern what you need to discern, to walk-out what you need to walk-out; to do His will and to fulfill His purpose and to bring Him glory; and to be what He created you to be.

2Chronicles 20 reminds us that the battle is the LORD's. Jeremiah 29 assures us He has a good plan for our lives. Believe that. Pray that. Pray for His peace. Pray to be changed and open to His will in your life whatever that means you must give up or leave behind. Master your flesh and leave your life to the Master.