Denial is part of the human experience. We do not want to believe so we seek every means to not believe.
I did not want to believe that divorce proceedings could be any part of my future so I refused to consider them for many months longer than the first time such a thing was demanded of me. This in spite of the fact that it was my husband making the demand and that since 2002 the single most prevalent lesson and message the LORD had been working on me with was submission: to Him and to my husband and to my pastor and to my boss and to my circumstances.
Let me say right now that submission is not obedience because it is so much more than obedience that I cannot even try to explain it in this post. I have not figured it all out myself yet. But at one time I thought submission was simple obedience. I thought it was some kind of rating or ranking that established the one who submitted as less: less valuable, less important, less worthy, less intelligent -- or make your own "less". But I was wrong. Submission is more like an exercise program; or a theory of management than a simple action.
I must submit to a hurricane, but does that submission mean the hurricane is "better" than me? No, certainly not. But God has established submission as within the way that He teaches us and within the creation He has designed. I have come to believe that if a person cannot submit such a person cannot walk with God or have the life or the end that God would wish for him or her.
My personal battle with submission was highlighted in the relationship with my husband, but submission to any authority was not something that rested easily on me. I remember the very night I finally broke through that stronghold and submitted, crying and broken, before the LORD accepting and confessing that I wanted Him so much that I would bow, I would submit to whatever He brought before me.
Of course, I'm still learning ways that require or demand submission that I never thought of in my simple linear thinking, but submitting to that learning, to inviting that experience and that teaching came in that long ago "one night".
That night, broken and submitting, He took me right to the Book of John where Mary is sobbing and broken, lost and bereft with the "gardner" before her. "They have taken my Master and I don't know where He is. If you know where they have taken Him, tell me, and I will go to Him."
I felt just like that! My Heavenly Father, Abba, He Who told me to get to know His Son and I would avoid so much of life's trouble, He Who my whole life had lifted me up, regarded me as a princess, treated me as His most precious child, yes even spoiled me! -- through His Word, through His Son, had now told me that He always intended I should submit to my husband--submit to some man!
How could this be? Was it true then? Was I really just some second-class citizen? Or second-class subject? Had I fooled myself for most of my life that I was special in the eyes of the LORD? -- They have taken my Master and I don't know where to find Him -- I am lost now, broken, and confused...
O yeah, as I read Mary's words in John I knew exactly where she was standing, exactly how bereft and lost and confused she felt in that moment. And when I read Jesus saying, "Mary!" I heard, "Melanie!"
And I didn't hear some elegant, deep, Hollywood timbre; I heard a husband's amused exasperation.
His woman crying and sobbing and truly upset, but He knows everything is fine and adores her and will never let anything stand that brings her grief, AND SHE KNOWS THIS, and right now he REALLY has to get out the door, but he loves her and thinks she's is marvelous, but right now she has to stop and be good and let him go.
All of that in one saying of my name. "Melanie!"
I was sitting in that chair, sniffling and crying and reading, and when I read, "Mary!" and heard, "Melanie!" and heard it with that amused, loving, exasperated tone of voice, my head shot up like He was standing in front of me, too.
And I knew, I had to accept submission with all its ugly connotations because that was the way I perceived it and submission requires that you accept the sovereignty of God in all things. But I also knew in my spirit that submission was NOT as I believed it to be. It was as though Jesus said, "NOW would you like to learn about submission as I conceived it?"
It was like scales came off my eyes when I heard Him say my name and say it in that tone of voice. Here was my Jesus, on His way to our Father (to finish the ritual, taking His Blood to sprinkle it on the altar of God if I have the Old Testament teaching correct) and He stopped and wouldn't go on as long as this beloved woman of His was crying and broken hearted and bereft without Him? On His way out the door to work indeed!
No, I had submission all wrong. There was more to it than I perceived because Father and Son LOVED ME with all and every part of their/His being.
There was no one on the earth or in heaven or in all of creation that God loved more than He loved me; no one He cherished or adored more. He would die for me. He would descend into hell for me. He would accomplish everything for me. O yes, there was something more to submission than what I was perceiving; and it was awesome and it was a key to understanding everything.
Jesus said to the disciples with Thomas that those who saw and believed were blessed but blessed were those who did not see and yet believed. That describes me then, and now, in my attitude towards submission. I do not really "see" even now, and I stumble and even doubt over submission at times, but I believe all the same.
I remember studying the third chapter of Genesis for several weeks. Everytime I would think I had everything those Scriptures could possible teach me, it was as though the LORD would scoop me up and take me to another another vantage point (higher or lower, to the left or right) and the lessons would start all over again from this new perspective.
These years of learning submission have been taught and received in the same fashion. Granting my husband the divorce he demanded I file is simply the latest and most confusing in that curriculum.
It is difficult and it is confusing in some ways. But in my faith and belief it is crystal clear.
Proverbs 20: 5 says, Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart; a wise person draws from the well within. I know deep within my heart as well as from my experience that while short-run submission bears a cost of discomfort, in the long-run not once has obeying the LORD and submitting where He has taught submission EVER brought anything but good to me.
So what does God want from me -- and for me?
He wants submission from me so that He can provide good for me. And I want that, too. It is good to be in agreement with the LORD, however to the contrary the circumstances may appear.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Some days are better than others - but mostly they just all run together
For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it.
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him.
But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance.
We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.
When I first read those words, my heart broke in the way it will when a song or a poem or something written or spoken speaks to exactly where you stand; to what you know or have endured.
I understood these words. I had spoken them in the secret places of my heart; cried them in my dreams. I comprehended this lack of noncomprehension that said:
I could bear this coming from an enemy. I could defend against it. But it was you!
My own one-flesh; he of who I am bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh!
My companion, my lover, my best friend, my protector, my covering, the father of my children who has inhabited the deepest most intimate parts of my body and my soul!
We have shared everything. No part of me was forbidden to you; we swore fidelity and our lives to each other before God and renewed that commitment in baptism as we surrendered our fealty to the LORD Jesus! How could you be my betrayer?!
These are the emotions, these are the notions and ideas and words resounding in ones soul with divorce. They burst out so loudly with such a wailing that the spirit is threatened to be overwhelmed with isolation and loneliness and blank incomprehension.
You find yourself stumbling through day-to-day, lashing out, heartbroken; one day just merging into another. Smiling on the outside, acting, pretending. You are sure no one can understand because you don't understand.
What has happened? How can this be? Whose life is this? How can you bare it? Will it never end? Will you never awake from this nightmare?
Then I found those words at the beginning of this post in my Bible. Psalm 55:12-14.
And I realized; someone did understand. This wasn't new. It was only new to me. It was not more than my God could handle. It was not a new situation for Him. It was an old trick of the enemy's and God had seen it many times.
And I also had an epiphany as I thought about it. Did the Scripture not tell us that Jesus understood everything we have felt because He has known all the same experiences? Jesus had known this same pain. He understood exactly how I felt when I did ask:
How could it be you that have been my betrayer, the Judas at my table?
How could you have weighed silver and coin against me? And then found ME to have the lesser value?
Somehow that made it bearable when I recognized and was ready to face what a large part of such a betrayal is.
Shame.
It is a spiritual rape; a betrayal that is so horrible, so intimate, that you have to mistrust your own sense of judgement. You must be a fool. You must be worthless. You must be stupid. You must be pathetic. How could you have been so stupid? So wrong? Idiot! Surely you deserve this!
But that is a lie from the pit of hell. It is what the enemy wants you to believe. It is why he went after your loved one to make them the hand that bears the knife that is driven through your back and into your heart. Why he convinces you to buckle under your shame, to seek vengence, to desire retribution, to feed the need to strike back.
The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy; and it's not complete for him unless you both end up his dupes; the instruments of all the pain and destruction to each other where God grew love and loyalty and protection; the instruments that destroy everything you have built together.
But he cannot defeat the LORD. He cannot subvert the purpose of the LORD. He's a liar. He's a loser.
Isaiah 54 says: Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused,” says your God. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”says the Lord, your Redeemer.
So who do I believe? The betrayal and the loss and the shame that is the fruit of the enemy? Or the LORD?
There's no contest. I keep my eyes on the LORD.
In Isaiah 61 He says: Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs. For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery for burnt offering; I will direct their work in truth, and will make with them an everlasting covenant.
There's my confirmation.
God knows me and He knows my circumstances. He understands the depth of my confusion, pain, and shame out of this betrayal. He understands it because He has felt it. He has felt it Himself and He feels it with me. And He will not allow it to stand. He will erase it and double the honor upon me because I have endured it.
I am not going to count myself apprehended. I will forget those things that are behind me and reach forward to those things that are ahead. My end is not destruction. My glory is not this shame.
I will obey the Word and keep my mind on those things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy. I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus.
So I am going to press on, expecting the LORD to keep His Word. So what if one day runs into the other? Like a tree planted by the rivers of water, I'll bear my fruit in its season.
You can do it, too.
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him.
But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance.
We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.
When I first read those words, my heart broke in the way it will when a song or a poem or something written or spoken speaks to exactly where you stand; to what you know or have endured.
I understood these words. I had spoken them in the secret places of my heart; cried them in my dreams. I comprehended this lack of noncomprehension that said:
I could bear this coming from an enemy. I could defend against it. But it was you!
My own one-flesh; he of who I am bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh!
My companion, my lover, my best friend, my protector, my covering, the father of my children who has inhabited the deepest most intimate parts of my body and my soul!
We have shared everything. No part of me was forbidden to you; we swore fidelity and our lives to each other before God and renewed that commitment in baptism as we surrendered our fealty to the LORD Jesus! How could you be my betrayer?!
These are the emotions, these are the notions and ideas and words resounding in ones soul with divorce. They burst out so loudly with such a wailing that the spirit is threatened to be overwhelmed with isolation and loneliness and blank incomprehension.
You find yourself stumbling through day-to-day, lashing out, heartbroken; one day just merging into another. Smiling on the outside, acting, pretending. You are sure no one can understand because you don't understand.
What has happened? How can this be? Whose life is this? How can you bare it? Will it never end? Will you never awake from this nightmare?
Then I found those words at the beginning of this post in my Bible. Psalm 55:12-14.
And I realized; someone did understand. This wasn't new. It was only new to me. It was not more than my God could handle. It was not a new situation for Him. It was an old trick of the enemy's and God had seen it many times.
And I also had an epiphany as I thought about it. Did the Scripture not tell us that Jesus understood everything we have felt because He has known all the same experiences? Jesus had known this same pain. He understood exactly how I felt when I did ask:
How could it be you that have been my betrayer, the Judas at my table?
How could you have weighed silver and coin against me? And then found ME to have the lesser value?
Somehow that made it bearable when I recognized and was ready to face what a large part of such a betrayal is.
Shame.
It is a spiritual rape; a betrayal that is so horrible, so intimate, that you have to mistrust your own sense of judgement. You must be a fool. You must be worthless. You must be stupid. You must be pathetic. How could you have been so stupid? So wrong? Idiot! Surely you deserve this!
But that is a lie from the pit of hell. It is what the enemy wants you to believe. It is why he went after your loved one to make them the hand that bears the knife that is driven through your back and into your heart. Why he convinces you to buckle under your shame, to seek vengence, to desire retribution, to feed the need to strike back.
The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy; and it's not complete for him unless you both end up his dupes; the instruments of all the pain and destruction to each other where God grew love and loyalty and protection; the instruments that destroy everything you have built together.
But he cannot defeat the LORD. He cannot subvert the purpose of the LORD. He's a liar. He's a loser.
Isaiah 54 says: Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused,” says your God. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”says the Lord, your Redeemer.
So who do I believe? The betrayal and the loss and the shame that is the fruit of the enemy? Or the LORD?
There's no contest. I keep my eyes on the LORD.
In Isaiah 61 He says: Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs. For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery for burnt offering; I will direct their work in truth, and will make with them an everlasting covenant.
There's my confirmation.
God knows me and He knows my circumstances. He understands the depth of my confusion, pain, and shame out of this betrayal. He understands it because He has felt it. He has felt it Himself and He feels it with me. And He will not allow it to stand. He will erase it and double the honor upon me because I have endured it.
I am not going to count myself apprehended. I will forget those things that are behind me and reach forward to those things that are ahead. My end is not destruction. My glory is not this shame.
I will obey the Word and keep my mind on those things that are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy. I'm keeping my eyes on Jesus.
So I am going to press on, expecting the LORD to keep His Word. So what if one day runs into the other? Like a tree planted by the rivers of water, I'll bear my fruit in its season.
You can do it, too.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I Have a Stronghold in my Life - what do I do?
It is so much easier to see strongholds in someone else than in yourself. To see them in yourself you have to really look for them. You have to know that you are lying to yourself if you say you do not have them.
The best definition I have studied of a stronghold is a place in your thinking where the enemy hides a demon.
I am guessing a lot of people who might read this just closed up when they read "demon". But call it what you want. I prefer to give it a face so to speak. I also called murder and lust and deception "spirits", which I would categorize as "demonic" but I would not force anyone to use my nomenclature. Choose your own.
A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.Though I do not think you can ever really get to the root of the truth of anything that goes on with man and man's mind unless you get down to the spiritual warfare that is fought on the battlefield of man's thinking. Another blog for another day though perhaps.
This post is about my identified stronghold. Patterns of my thinking that have built a snare, a stronghold that hides a demon of criticism. Lately I have come to identify this habit of mine and have come to set myself against it. Yet it is not easy to overcome.
All day yesterday I worried over this habit. Knowing it is not helpful and likewise, in one relationship in particular it is disobedient, I examined it and judged it as a behavior that I had to change.
Then the air conditioner would not work when I turned it back on after it froze it and bang! I went straight to the e-mail and banged out an electronic attack of criticism. I told you blah-blah-blah. You do not listen blah-blah-blah. Your procrastination blah-blah-blah. Your part of the solution is the simpliest but must be done first blah-blah-blah. Why can't you just blah-blah-blah? Why do we always have to blah-blah-blah?
That nothing I said in the e-mail was untrue does not let me off the hook. It was critical. It was criticism. I could have as simply said, "A/C froze up again and won't come back on now. Will call repairman in the morning to set up a service call. Will have them call you to take care of billing."
That e-mail would have sufficed to take care of everything that I needed and would have done it without criticism. In fact it would have built up and expressed confidence in the person I sent it to that I knew they would take care of their part.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. All of us have areas where we could be criticized without any defense because the charges would be true. But I don't want to be anymore one of those people who points out those faults or flaws or weaknesses in other people; especially not in the people I love.
So how do I root this spirit out of its hiding place and get rid of the thinking, the stronghold, that gives it refuge in my mind and my actions?
In the Book of Joshua, we find the biggest strongholds standing against the Israelite conquest of the Promised Land: Jericho and Ai. Jericho is where I looked to see how to tear down the stronghold in my life.
I chose Jericho because I have tried it with conventional tactics: capturing thoughts, renewing my mind, letting go of stinking thinking. All of these are Scriptual, but this is a stronghold so I went to the Scriptures looking for how to deal specifically with a stronghold.
Because once the A/C e-mail caught my attention, I realized the whole weekend had been filled with criticism of others. Where I could have lifted up or spoken more gently, teaching more like my Master, reacting like one who follows Him, I had been critical and criticism is always harsh. So I went to the conquest of a stronghold in the Bible that was dependent totally upon the supernatural.
I recognized a warning in the first verse of Joshua chapter 6. The inhabitants of Jericho were shut in; jeering from the walls actually, but shut in all the same. They knew Israel was there for them; to conquer them despite their strong walls. And they knew God was with Israel. So I know that in our strongholds, once we identify them, the enemy knows we are coming and that God is coming with us.
So that they don't just pack up and run for the hills when they see us coming is because they don't believe we can do what God will require for us to have victory. The spirits it seems are betting creatures. They know God can kick them all the way back to hell, but us they do not fear and with us they are willing to roll the dice and take the chance they can stand safe in the stronghold.
Because God is with us yet we have built this stronghold where they/it takes refuge and stands against us. We have built it with our thinking and now they/it defend it. Mine (this time) is criticism, but everyone has them. When your thinking says God does not love you, God is not with you, God does not care about you; when you are negative, critical, bitter -- these are all evidence of a stronghold.
I think that is critical (forgive the pun!) that we understand: strongholds are built out of our own thinking. That is why we have to be the one who tears them down in our own lives. But we cannot do it alone. We cannot do it without the LORD.
Read Proverbs 14:12 and Isaiah 55:8 and understand for this battle you have to clean up your thinking. In other words, you have to scuttle it, get rid of it, certainly suspend it. This is a faith alone exercise. You are going to walk to it, face it, acknowledge it, then let God smash it.
In Joshua 6:2, God promises Joshua the victory. We have to understand that victory is ours as well. We walk by faith. Build up your faith. Read 2 Corinthians 2. Roman 6 is awesome. Colossians 2: 6-15. These build your faith. And if you do not "get" them; go online and read the commentaries on them. Read them in different translations. Read the reference Scriptures in the commentaries. Pray about them.
And shout the victory. Praise God. In our area 91.3FM the Edge plays contemporary Christian music. I love Country, classic Rock, classical -- a lot of different music, when I am in the trenches, when I am in a battle, I do not listen to anything but praise and worship.
Truth to tell, I keep my TV on the Church Channel or the Word Channel or God TV or TBN or DayStar all the time when I am in a down-and-dirty spiritual battle. I may not be sitting in front of it paying rapt attention, but I am guarding my eye-gate and ear-gate -- guarding my thinking -- Reminding myself that I win. Jesus bought me with a price. I am covered by His Blood.
And when I have done all I can, I simply stand. Sure in the knowledge that God has got this.
So stronghold of criticism -- I'm circling the walls reminding myself that God is awesome and faithful and I don't have to fight you by day and I am singing praises and remembering the Word and the promises by night. Get ready to come down stronghold, because I'm getting ready to start shouting and watch God do mighty things.
The best definition I have studied of a stronghold is a place in your thinking where the enemy hides a demon.
I am guessing a lot of people who might read this just closed up when they read "demon". But call it what you want. I prefer to give it a face so to speak. I also called murder and lust and deception "spirits", which I would categorize as "demonic" but I would not force anyone to use my nomenclature. Choose your own.
A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.Though I do not think you can ever really get to the root of the truth of anything that goes on with man and man's mind unless you get down to the spiritual warfare that is fought on the battlefield of man's thinking. Another blog for another day though perhaps.
This post is about my identified stronghold. Patterns of my thinking that have built a snare, a stronghold that hides a demon of criticism. Lately I have come to identify this habit of mine and have come to set myself against it. Yet it is not easy to overcome.
All day yesterday I worried over this habit. Knowing it is not helpful and likewise, in one relationship in particular it is disobedient, I examined it and judged it as a behavior that I had to change.
Then the air conditioner would not work when I turned it back on after it froze it and bang! I went straight to the e-mail and banged out an electronic attack of criticism. I told you blah-blah-blah. You do not listen blah-blah-blah. Your procrastination blah-blah-blah. Your part of the solution is the simpliest but must be done first blah-blah-blah. Why can't you just blah-blah-blah? Why do we always have to blah-blah-blah?
That nothing I said in the e-mail was untrue does not let me off the hook. It was critical. It was criticism. I could have as simply said, "A/C froze up again and won't come back on now. Will call repairman in the morning to set up a service call. Will have them call you to take care of billing."
That e-mail would have sufficed to take care of everything that I needed and would have done it without criticism. In fact it would have built up and expressed confidence in the person I sent it to that I knew they would take care of their part.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. All of us have areas where we could be criticized without any defense because the charges would be true. But I don't want to be anymore one of those people who points out those faults or flaws or weaknesses in other people; especially not in the people I love.
So how do I root this spirit out of its hiding place and get rid of the thinking, the stronghold, that gives it refuge in my mind and my actions?
In the Book of Joshua, we find the biggest strongholds standing against the Israelite conquest of the Promised Land: Jericho and Ai. Jericho is where I looked to see how to tear down the stronghold in my life.
I chose Jericho because I have tried it with conventional tactics: capturing thoughts, renewing my mind, letting go of stinking thinking. All of these are Scriptual, but this is a stronghold so I went to the Scriptures looking for how to deal specifically with a stronghold.
Because once the A/C e-mail caught my attention, I realized the whole weekend had been filled with criticism of others. Where I could have lifted up or spoken more gently, teaching more like my Master, reacting like one who follows Him, I had been critical and criticism is always harsh. So I went to the conquest of a stronghold in the Bible that was dependent totally upon the supernatural.
I recognized a warning in the first verse of Joshua chapter 6. The inhabitants of Jericho were shut in; jeering from the walls actually, but shut in all the same. They knew Israel was there for them; to conquer them despite their strong walls. And they knew God was with Israel. So I know that in our strongholds, once we identify them, the enemy knows we are coming and that God is coming with us.
So that they don't just pack up and run for the hills when they see us coming is because they don't believe we can do what God will require for us to have victory. The spirits it seems are betting creatures. They know God can kick them all the way back to hell, but us they do not fear and with us they are willing to roll the dice and take the chance they can stand safe in the stronghold.
Because God is with us yet we have built this stronghold where they/it takes refuge and stands against us. We have built it with our thinking and now they/it defend it. Mine (this time) is criticism, but everyone has them. When your thinking says God does not love you, God is not with you, God does not care about you; when you are negative, critical, bitter -- these are all evidence of a stronghold.
I think that is critical (forgive the pun!) that we understand: strongholds are built out of our own thinking. That is why we have to be the one who tears them down in our own lives. But we cannot do it alone. We cannot do it without the LORD.
Read Proverbs 14:12 and Isaiah 55:8 and understand for this battle you have to clean up your thinking. In other words, you have to scuttle it, get rid of it, certainly suspend it. This is a faith alone exercise. You are going to walk to it, face it, acknowledge it, then let God smash it.
In Joshua 6:2, God promises Joshua the victory. We have to understand that victory is ours as well. We walk by faith. Build up your faith. Read 2 Corinthians 2. Roman 6 is awesome. Colossians 2: 6-15. These build your faith. And if you do not "get" them; go online and read the commentaries on them. Read them in different translations. Read the reference Scriptures in the commentaries. Pray about them.
And shout the victory. Praise God. In our area 91.3FM the Edge plays contemporary Christian music. I love Country, classic Rock, classical -- a lot of different music, when I am in the trenches, when I am in a battle, I do not listen to anything but praise and worship.
Truth to tell, I keep my TV on the Church Channel or the Word Channel or God TV or TBN or DayStar all the time when I am in a down-and-dirty spiritual battle. I may not be sitting in front of it paying rapt attention, but I am guarding my eye-gate and ear-gate -- guarding my thinking -- Reminding myself that I win. Jesus bought me with a price. I am covered by His Blood.
And when I have done all I can, I simply stand. Sure in the knowledge that God has got this.
So stronghold of criticism -- I'm circling the walls reminding myself that God is awesome and faithful and I don't have to fight you by day and I am singing praises and remembering the Word and the promises by night. Get ready to come down stronghold, because I'm getting ready to start shouting and watch God do mighty things.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
How do you activate the power gifts? I need them...
Six weeks ago on Monday I quit smoking and three weeks ago on Monday I quit refreshing the toxins in my spirit too.
So in the last two weeks my flesh has gone absolutely nuts trying to get me to restore its altered normal.
I haven't had a pimple in years, so guess what? Yep, my chin and forehead.
I've had a cold sore twice in 51 years; so guess what I've been fighting right smack in the middle of my top lip for the past week?
My feet, calves, and hands have swollen so large my big shoes are tight and I can't get my bracelets on past my knuckles. I have packed on 15 pounds in 12 days.
Everything in my flesh has wanted to reach for a cigarette or lash out with bitter anger. But I'm not going there. And I'm not accepting all these attacks lying down either.
Those pimples were gone in a day. I spoke the Word over them. I don't do pimples. My history is one a month, like a calling card announcing the imminent arrival of a friend. Menopause has severed that friendship so I'm not putting up with a pimple; much less multiple visitors.
That's when this cold sore started trying me. I kept it anointed with OTC ointment and the Word and the lip has swollen a bit but all week it never busted through. I could feel the little nerve tingles hinting it would like to bust out with a shingles episode but I'm not going there. Yesterday, since I was not letting it be seen, it tried to erupt on the inside of the lip. Nope, not going to come out there either.
I finally had a short talk with myself yesterday when I could feel how swollen my calves were up to my knees. I reminded myself of what had struck me in Pastor's Wednesday night teaching. The Power Gifts (Faith, Healing, Miracles) all require us to stretch beyond what is seen, beyond what we know, beyond what we think and feel.
But I also reminded myself that love and forgiveness have to be stirred into that recipe as well if you want to activate any of the Gifts of the Spirit.
I had to look at how I have put someone I dearly love out of my life completely. It was necessary for me to do this because any sight or sound of him, any in-my-face evidence of the way things are between us undoes me. I could cry a river and I cannot think when confronted with him so I avoid anything that brings about a mental or emotional as well as physical confrontation with him.
But I had to open my spirit else I could not find the forgiveness I need or the love he needs. I can't see him or talk to him or acknowledge him in my flesh or it hurts my soul, I am reminded however, what I wrote myself in this very blog. I can pray as effectively from China as I can in the same room. I was talking about physical presence in that post, but the principle still applies.
I have no strength to fight this person and everything in my spirit rebels that I should need or want to fight him. But I can fight the enemy who is the real enemy. I choose to forgive. I choose to love. I choose to pray. I choose to trust the unseen. I choose to believe the promises of God. And not just for me, but for him; for my house also.
I'm not having pimples, cold sores, broken hearts, broken relationships, swollen limbs, excess weight, financial burdens -- I'm not having any of it.
So I started my day yesterday and today in praise, in the Word, and I can feel the joy as my spirit hums happily and occasionally chuckles.
My poor flesh is fighting even as my organs are processing out the toxins of nicotine and smoke, years of a bad diet and bad lifestyle choices, and negative bad thoughts and ways of thinking.
But as the song says, I'm not going back. I'm moving ahead. I'm here to declare to you, my past is over. In Christ, all things are made new. I surrender my life. I'm moving forward.
Now I have to get moving.
The inside of my lip is smooth. Only one foot is swollen today. 10 minutes on the treadmill at max incline will resend yesterday's message to that stubborn appendage. And I continue to pray for that person I was created to help meet his purpose.
I am where God has purposed me to be. I am doing what God has purposed me to do. All the enemy can do is make noise; all my flesh can do is complain. I abide under the wings of the Most High. He's on point and He's got rearguard.
I think I'm going to go get a manicure this morning. My hands belong to Him, too.
I'm praying for the followers of Christ: old and new. The battle never stops because the enemy is a pig -- and that is an insult to pigs I know, but the war is won and the battle is yours.
Just don't give up. Refuse to accept even what you can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. Stick with what you know. Speak those things that be not as though they be. Don't listen to anyone who tells you anything different from the Word and what He says no matter how kind their intentions or good their heart.
Remember God says His Word accomplishes what He says. It does not go out void. It does not return empty. Trust His Word over everything you see or hear or feel or think. Don't let anything or anyone persuade you to anything else.
Be sure the enemy will attack.
Then watch God manifest those Power Gifts of Faith, Healing, and Miracles.
He does seem to particularly enjoy snatching victory right out of the enemy's jaws and He does love to show off.
So use me, LORD. Thank You for the opportunity to learn, to grow, --- and to kick the enemy's....donkey. :)
So in the last two weeks my flesh has gone absolutely nuts trying to get me to restore its altered normal.
I haven't had a pimple in years, so guess what? Yep, my chin and forehead.
I've had a cold sore twice in 51 years; so guess what I've been fighting right smack in the middle of my top lip for the past week?
My feet, calves, and hands have swollen so large my big shoes are tight and I can't get my bracelets on past my knuckles. I have packed on 15 pounds in 12 days.
Everything in my flesh has wanted to reach for a cigarette or lash out with bitter anger. But I'm not going there. And I'm not accepting all these attacks lying down either.
Those pimples were gone in a day. I spoke the Word over them. I don't do pimples. My history is one a month, like a calling card announcing the imminent arrival of a friend. Menopause has severed that friendship so I'm not putting up with a pimple; much less multiple visitors.
That's when this cold sore started trying me. I kept it anointed with OTC ointment and the Word and the lip has swollen a bit but all week it never busted through. I could feel the little nerve tingles hinting it would like to bust out with a shingles episode but I'm not going there. Yesterday, since I was not letting it be seen, it tried to erupt on the inside of the lip. Nope, not going to come out there either.
I finally had a short talk with myself yesterday when I could feel how swollen my calves were up to my knees. I reminded myself of what had struck me in Pastor's Wednesday night teaching. The Power Gifts (Faith, Healing, Miracles) all require us to stretch beyond what is seen, beyond what we know, beyond what we think and feel.
But I also reminded myself that love and forgiveness have to be stirred into that recipe as well if you want to activate any of the Gifts of the Spirit.
I had to look at how I have put someone I dearly love out of my life completely. It was necessary for me to do this because any sight or sound of him, any in-my-face evidence of the way things are between us undoes me. I could cry a river and I cannot think when confronted with him so I avoid anything that brings about a mental or emotional as well as physical confrontation with him.
But I had to open my spirit else I could not find the forgiveness I need or the love he needs. I can't see him or talk to him or acknowledge him in my flesh or it hurts my soul, I am reminded however, what I wrote myself in this very blog. I can pray as effectively from China as I can in the same room. I was talking about physical presence in that post, but the principle still applies.
I have no strength to fight this person and everything in my spirit rebels that I should need or want to fight him. But I can fight the enemy who is the real enemy. I choose to forgive. I choose to love. I choose to pray. I choose to trust the unseen. I choose to believe the promises of God. And not just for me, but for him; for my house also.
I'm not having pimples, cold sores, broken hearts, broken relationships, swollen limbs, excess weight, financial burdens -- I'm not having any of it.
So I started my day yesterday and today in praise, in the Word, and I can feel the joy as my spirit hums happily and occasionally chuckles.
My poor flesh is fighting even as my organs are processing out the toxins of nicotine and smoke, years of a bad diet and bad lifestyle choices, and negative bad thoughts and ways of thinking.
But as the song says, I'm not going back. I'm moving ahead. I'm here to declare to you, my past is over. In Christ, all things are made new. I surrender my life. I'm moving forward.
Now I have to get moving.
The inside of my lip is smooth. Only one foot is swollen today. 10 minutes on the treadmill at max incline will resend yesterday's message to that stubborn appendage. And I continue to pray for that person I was created to help meet his purpose.
I am where God has purposed me to be. I am doing what God has purposed me to do. All the enemy can do is make noise; all my flesh can do is complain. I abide under the wings of the Most High. He's on point and He's got rearguard.
I think I'm going to go get a manicure this morning. My hands belong to Him, too.
I'm praying for the followers of Christ: old and new. The battle never stops because the enemy is a pig -- and that is an insult to pigs I know, but the war is won and the battle is yours.
Just don't give up. Refuse to accept even what you can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. Stick with what you know. Speak those things that be not as though they be. Don't listen to anyone who tells you anything different from the Word and what He says no matter how kind their intentions or good their heart.
Remember God says His Word accomplishes what He says. It does not go out void. It does not return empty. Trust His Word over everything you see or hear or feel or think. Don't let anything or anyone persuade you to anything else.
Be sure the enemy will attack.
Then watch God manifest those Power Gifts of Faith, Healing, and Miracles.
He does seem to particularly enjoy snatching victory right out of the enemy's jaws and He does love to show off.
So use me, LORD. Thank You for the opportunity to learn, to grow, --- and to kick the enemy's....donkey. :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
What's My Purpose? And how do I get to it?
We are all created. We are all uniquely and wonderfully made in the image and likeness of Almighty God. We all have the creative power of Word. We all have a purpose.
When you belong to Jesus, the same Spirit lives inside of you that raised Jesus from the dead. The power is there when Jesus is there. So how do you access that power? How do you discern your purpose?
You ask. And you choose.
For salvation, you ask for forgiveness, you ask Jesus to come into your heart and take over your life; then you believe and expect that He does and has. You ask and you choose.
Pastor said this past Sunday that for the baptism of the Holy Spirit, you ask for it. You have to choose to receive it. Without it, you still have salvation, but with it you have power. So you ask for it and you expect it.
The same is true for knowing your purpose. You ask for it. You expect God to answer. You choose to listen, to be patient, to walk through what you must walk through to prepare for it.
I asked to know my purpose. I ask for clarification all the time. I ask when????
For a long time all the LORD gave me was out of Genesis: And your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you; as for me and my house we shall serve the LORD; and I will place enmity between you and the Woman; say that you are my sister so that for your sake my soul shall be saved;--
I don't even have to look those up. I received confirmation of them so many times and from so many quarters and for so long every time that I studied the Bible -- or even tried to escape them by turning to secular books, novels!, TV shows or movies, that I finally just submitted to the LORD and quit fighting them.
People who know me and my story have never understood how I have stayed in my marriage so long, but the level of the opposition and the attacks against my marriage after a time only convinced me that I really was hearing what I knew I was hearing from the LORD.
Despite all the loops my husband has caused me to navigate, all the pain and heartache, most of it deliberate, with malice and aforethought, the hardest thing I have ever done was submit to him when he demanded I file for divorce. But the LORD just kept coming back at me in my prayers the same as He always had, "Submit to your husband".
How could I be hearing right when I had submitted to so much, endured so much, gone through so much pain and betrayal and humiliation by submitting to him to preserve the marriage and to stay obedient to the Word? After all that, now I was to submit to my husband's demand that I file for divorce?
But for every time that I had obeied, every time that I had swallowed my pride, shelved my pain, humbled myself in my humiliation, God had done as His Word promised: He had turned all things to my good as I loved Him and was called to His purpose.
I would not wish that one single person should ever go through the things that I have endured, but I would wish that everyone had the results in their lives that the attacks I have endured, the battles I have fought, the lessons I have learned, and the strength and wisdom I have gained, have wrought in my life. My advice would be get there by a different route, but get there.
I have been through some vicious, brutal, and bloody battles (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), but I have been blessed and highly favored; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, AND physically; more and more out of each successive one. As a result, I have learned to walk by faith and not by sight. Even as I move towards divorce, I am waiting expectantly to see how the LORD is going to work this out.
I know I win. Every time. Without fail. It's still by faith, but my expectation is also bolstered by experience. I win every time without fail.
It took me a couple of months to break free of the entanglements and distractions that come with filing for divorce in a secular court; but I am looking at circumstances right now with a sense of humor realizing that no one, including me, is going to be able to say that the final outcome is anything but God and He will get all the glory.
I'm looking forward to seeing how He is going to do it while I continue to submit to my husband and move forward with what he thinks is his plan and his will.
Because out of the pain of this latest act of obedience, this latest lesson in submission, I have fought my way to remembering what I have been taught and what I have learned over and over again in these last several years. I have a purpose and the enemy is powerless to prevent it.
I am Woman who did not accuse her husband in the Garden though he conspired with the enemy placing her in harm's way and threw her straight under the bus before God. She accused only the enemy, the serpent, Satan the accuser; not her husband, not the one who she was one-flesh with.
I am Sarah who was delivered into shame and humiliation with her marriage treated as offal by her husband as a result of his fear of the enemy; not once but twice. And out of that submission made them both wealthy as well as a testimony to the power of God Most High.
I am Rebekah who was used in the same way by her husband as he had learned from his father, yet when he was dying determined to obey his own desires instead of the command of God, she said let the sin fall on me and did what was necessary to save her husband's life and bring him into the will of God. And he lived 14 more years at least and being an old man, satisfied and satiated with days; his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.
I am Zipporah who bloodied her hands sanctifying her children to save her husband then submitted to the bonds of her marriage to him again when her Father returned her to Moses after he was convinced by his sister and brother that she was not good enough for him and put her away. Who's a bloody wife now?
I am the war horse, well trained and obedient to the hands and cues of its rider; sensing the enemy, hearing the sounds of the battle and eager to engage the enemy; lethal on the field of combat when plunged into the battle but only at the will and not before the command of its rider who at last releases me to do what I have been trained to do as a weapon and a helpmeet and part of a team.
That is always the core of the purpose. Engage the enemy. Jesus defeated him at the Cross. So does that make us a mopping up action? I have no idea. The Bible says God knew the end from the beginning. When He spoke the first Word the last one was already put into motion. In the present, the future already awaits.
The sovereignty of God is for another post one day maybe though. This post is about purpose. For everyone it is different, but it is also the same. Engage the enemy.
When you think God has forsaken you; know that is never true. When you think you cannot do or take or submit to what His Word would have of you in the circumstances, remember Hebrews 12:3. When you decide God could never have intended for you to endure such humiliation or disrespect, such pain or betrayal, such punishment or heartbreak, --
"Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials] (Amplified Bible)...
Recall Sarah who was delivered in Pharaoh's harem and Abimelech's as well by her husband, "Say you are my sister so that for your sake my soul shall be saved" and who bore the promise.
Recall Rebekah, also delivered into the hands of the enemy by her husband out of his fear of the enemy, yet who volunteered for any sin to fall on her head in the deception that pulled him back from the brink of death and returned him to the will of God.
Recall Zipporah who was forced to take into her own hands the bringing of her children into the will of God despite a Godly husband who knew the LORD intimately and knew better than his behavior; who was set aside at the urgings of a brother and sister out of his mother's house where the Word told him to leave so that he could cling to his wife.
Recall our LORD Jesus, betrayed for money, turned over to the enemy by one who sat at His table, shared bread with Him, was the treasurer of His household, and who loved Him.
And through it all remember Woman; who never took her eyes off the LORD. She knew and named her enemy -- and it was not her spouse; it was not the flesh and blood person who delivered the blows or the angst to her soul.
But just to be clear -- if someone is physically abusing you -- remember God put Moses in the cleft of the rock to keep him safe as He walked by. You can pray, you can battle from China just as effectively as you can in the same room. Time and distance offer no impediment to the LORD. Jesus bore our bruises, our infirmaties, the beatings; if you are in a physically abusive relationship, get out. Fight, battle, don't let him go, don't stop loving him, but get out of his range.
The enemy has a limited range; but you don't when you battle in the Word.
The purpose is to determine to fight. To give no ground to the enemy. To know what he gets is but temporary, you get it back better and more. Purpose in your heart to fight that battle; to choose it and to expect to win it.
Then watch what God does. Watch as your purpose within that purpose is revealed to you. Watch as you are trained and prepared to be ready for it in God's time; every time.
Know that nothing can stop it. Circumstances are subject to change. God likes to snatch victory right out of the jaws of the enemy. Trust the unseen.
Learn to be like Rocky Balboa -- facing his opponent with a shrug and a query, "Is that all you got? You ain't so bad."
Not Biblical -- but true all the same. Walk by faith long enough and you will discover your experience teaches you, you really can do all things through Christ who strengthens you and nothing is impossible with the LORD.
When you belong to Jesus, the same Spirit lives inside of you that raised Jesus from the dead. The power is there when Jesus is there. So how do you access that power? How do you discern your purpose?
You ask. And you choose.
For salvation, you ask for forgiveness, you ask Jesus to come into your heart and take over your life; then you believe and expect that He does and has. You ask and you choose.
Pastor said this past Sunday that for the baptism of the Holy Spirit, you ask for it. You have to choose to receive it. Without it, you still have salvation, but with it you have power. So you ask for it and you expect it.
The same is true for knowing your purpose. You ask for it. You expect God to answer. You choose to listen, to be patient, to walk through what you must walk through to prepare for it.
I asked to know my purpose. I ask for clarification all the time. I ask when????
For a long time all the LORD gave me was out of Genesis: And your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you; as for me and my house we shall serve the LORD; and I will place enmity between you and the Woman; say that you are my sister so that for your sake my soul shall be saved;--
I don't even have to look those up. I received confirmation of them so many times and from so many quarters and for so long every time that I studied the Bible -- or even tried to escape them by turning to secular books, novels!, TV shows or movies, that I finally just submitted to the LORD and quit fighting them.
People who know me and my story have never understood how I have stayed in my marriage so long, but the level of the opposition and the attacks against my marriage after a time only convinced me that I really was hearing what I knew I was hearing from the LORD.
Despite all the loops my husband has caused me to navigate, all the pain and heartache, most of it deliberate, with malice and aforethought, the hardest thing I have ever done was submit to him when he demanded I file for divorce. But the LORD just kept coming back at me in my prayers the same as He always had, "Submit to your husband".
How could I be hearing right when I had submitted to so much, endured so much, gone through so much pain and betrayal and humiliation by submitting to him to preserve the marriage and to stay obedient to the Word? After all that, now I was to submit to my husband's demand that I file for divorce?
But for every time that I had obeied, every time that I had swallowed my pride, shelved my pain, humbled myself in my humiliation, God had done as His Word promised: He had turned all things to my good as I loved Him and was called to His purpose.
I would not wish that one single person should ever go through the things that I have endured, but I would wish that everyone had the results in their lives that the attacks I have endured, the battles I have fought, the lessons I have learned, and the strength and wisdom I have gained, have wrought in my life. My advice would be get there by a different route, but get there.
I have been through some vicious, brutal, and bloody battles (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), but I have been blessed and highly favored; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, AND physically; more and more out of each successive one. As a result, I have learned to walk by faith and not by sight. Even as I move towards divorce, I am waiting expectantly to see how the LORD is going to work this out.
I know I win. Every time. Without fail. It's still by faith, but my expectation is also bolstered by experience. I win every time without fail.
It took me a couple of months to break free of the entanglements and distractions that come with filing for divorce in a secular court; but I am looking at circumstances right now with a sense of humor realizing that no one, including me, is going to be able to say that the final outcome is anything but God and He will get all the glory.
I'm looking forward to seeing how He is going to do it while I continue to submit to my husband and move forward with what he thinks is his plan and his will.
Because out of the pain of this latest act of obedience, this latest lesson in submission, I have fought my way to remembering what I have been taught and what I have learned over and over again in these last several years. I have a purpose and the enemy is powerless to prevent it.
I am Woman who did not accuse her husband in the Garden though he conspired with the enemy placing her in harm's way and threw her straight under the bus before God. She accused only the enemy, the serpent, Satan the accuser; not her husband, not the one who she was one-flesh with.
I am Sarah who was delivered into shame and humiliation with her marriage treated as offal by her husband as a result of his fear of the enemy; not once but twice. And out of that submission made them both wealthy as well as a testimony to the power of God Most High.
I am Rebekah who was used in the same way by her husband as he had learned from his father, yet when he was dying determined to obey his own desires instead of the command of God, she said let the sin fall on me and did what was necessary to save her husband's life and bring him into the will of God. And he lived 14 more years at least and being an old man, satisfied and satiated with days; his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.
I am Zipporah who bloodied her hands sanctifying her children to save her husband then submitted to the bonds of her marriage to him again when her Father returned her to Moses after he was convinced by his sister and brother that she was not good enough for him and put her away. Who's a bloody wife now?
I am the war horse, well trained and obedient to the hands and cues of its rider; sensing the enemy, hearing the sounds of the battle and eager to engage the enemy; lethal on the field of combat when plunged into the battle but only at the will and not before the command of its rider who at last releases me to do what I have been trained to do as a weapon and a helpmeet and part of a team.
That is always the core of the purpose. Engage the enemy. Jesus defeated him at the Cross. So does that make us a mopping up action? I have no idea. The Bible says God knew the end from the beginning. When He spoke the first Word the last one was already put into motion. In the present, the future already awaits.
The sovereignty of God is for another post one day maybe though. This post is about purpose. For everyone it is different, but it is also the same. Engage the enemy.
When you think God has forsaken you; know that is never true. When you think you cannot do or take or submit to what His Word would have of you in the circumstances, remember Hebrews 12:3. When you decide God could never have intended for you to endure such humiliation or disrespect, such pain or betrayal, such punishment or heartbreak, --
"Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon up and consider it all in comparison with your trials] (Amplified Bible)...
Recall Sarah who was delivered in Pharaoh's harem and Abimelech's as well by her husband, "Say you are my sister so that for your sake my soul shall be saved" and who bore the promise.
Recall Rebekah, also delivered into the hands of the enemy by her husband out of his fear of the enemy, yet who volunteered for any sin to fall on her head in the deception that pulled him back from the brink of death and returned him to the will of God.
Recall Zipporah who was forced to take into her own hands the bringing of her children into the will of God despite a Godly husband who knew the LORD intimately and knew better than his behavior; who was set aside at the urgings of a brother and sister out of his mother's house where the Word told him to leave so that he could cling to his wife.
Recall our LORD Jesus, betrayed for money, turned over to the enemy by one who sat at His table, shared bread with Him, was the treasurer of His household, and who loved Him.
And through it all remember Woman; who never took her eyes off the LORD. She knew and named her enemy -- and it was not her spouse; it was not the flesh and blood person who delivered the blows or the angst to her soul.
But just to be clear -- if someone is physically abusing you -- remember God put Moses in the cleft of the rock to keep him safe as He walked by. You can pray, you can battle from China just as effectively as you can in the same room. Time and distance offer no impediment to the LORD. Jesus bore our bruises, our infirmaties, the beatings; if you are in a physically abusive relationship, get out. Fight, battle, don't let him go, don't stop loving him, but get out of his range.
The enemy has a limited range; but you don't when you battle in the Word.
The purpose is to determine to fight. To give no ground to the enemy. To know what he gets is but temporary, you get it back better and more. Purpose in your heart to fight that battle; to choose it and to expect to win it.
Then watch what God does. Watch as your purpose within that purpose is revealed to you. Watch as you are trained and prepared to be ready for it in God's time; every time.
Know that nothing can stop it. Circumstances are subject to change. God likes to snatch victory right out of the jaws of the enemy. Trust the unseen.
Learn to be like Rocky Balboa -- facing his opponent with a shrug and a query, "Is that all you got? You ain't so bad."
Not Biblical -- but true all the same. Walk by faith long enough and you will discover your experience teaches you, you really can do all things through Christ who strengthens you and nothing is impossible with the LORD.
Friday, May 25, 2012
How do I not give up AND go on in joy?
I have two pastors. They used to be at the same church. Two brothers; and I remember clearly when I was a visitor at their church for the third or fourth time and I heard in my spirit, "Behold your captains."
When I hear the LORD like that, I don't hear an audible voice or even a voice in my head. It's more like a satellite delay or something. When the LORD speaks I am not consciously aware of hearing Him. It's only after I respond to what my spirit has obviously heard that suddenly I have a memory in my mind like I heard a voice speak.
It's a pretty good system really. I know when I'm talking to myself or when the enemy is trying to drop his thoughts and words into my mind and I'd certainly recognize any "voices" talking to me as not originating with the Holy Spirit, because those are all hearing first. With God, it's respond first.
Once when it was to approach a stranger about coming to church I was at a gas pump and was about to start my car when I whipped my head around to look at this young woman behind me at the next pump saying, LORD I don't even know her! As soon as the words were out of my mouth I had a memory as though I had heard a voice say, Go tell her to come to Tribulation Saturday night.
That morning in church my response was making a face and whispering, "Captains?" while thinking, Are you for real? What does that even mean, my captains?
Over the years as I came to understand the nature of spiritual warfare, and my place within it, I grew into an understanding that these were the two men under whose spiritual authority or command the LORD had placed me. On different occasions and with each of them individually and together He has confirmed that status in my life. And it did not change when one of the brothers left our main church and moved over to a next town to plant a daughter church.
This past Sunday I went over to that other church for service to visit as I sometimes do. As always he confirmed some things that the LORD had been teaching me in my private Bible studies and with his teaching for the service he also spoke into my life on the issues and challenges I was facing in my personal life.
That is how I came to this topic today. He spoke about not giving up and the attitude to have in the trials. The message was out of Genesis 37-40; looking at some of the elements within the story of Joseph.
His points were to stay deligent, remaining consistent in your faith and believing God and what He has purposed for you. Staying positive, understanding your spirit would need this as you moved through the trials and attacks as the enemy tried to stop it. Staying hopeful, accepting delays are part of the process of coming into what God plans for you. Staying focused, knowing God is going to make good on the dream and desires He has put into your heart and He uses the trials, the attacks, and the time to train you and teach you and strengthen you.
From Joseph we learn don't give up, trust the process, look at all Joseph went through, don't hold a record against those that do you wrong, and God has a purpose that will not be thwarted. Trusting God, knowing whatever is going on in the RIGHT NOW, He never takes His eyes off of you. He does not for one moment forget you.
The Scripture says God turns all things to His purpose for good for those who love Him and who are the called according to His purpose. If you trust the LORD, if you call out as a liar any thing that suggests He cannot or will not make lemons out of your lemonade, that you will not be made stronger, smarter, and wiser by whatever you are having to endure, and that you will not emerge victorious and better off than where you started, you really will find peace within yourself that surpasses all understanding and a joy unquenchable that operates independently of any superficial feelings of happiness.
For me, this message was confirmed on Wednesday evening, when my Pastor at my regular church, the mother church so to speak, taught out of Hebrews 12. He gave the same message, but he said from Jesus we learn not to give up, to trust the process however painful and how much we have to endure because we love and trust the Lord.
Instead of Joseph he advised looking at all Jesus went through leading to and on the cross. He never held a record against those that hurt Him, abandoned them or did them wrong. And even deep in the pain, hanging on the cross, He was still forgiving and loving and thinking about the care of His family as a priority. He trusted the process even as He experienced the loneliness of being forsaken. He knew what the prize was and that Father was faithful to do as He promised.
Studying the Word, trusting God and knowing He has told you He will never leave you, that His Word will teach you, that His Spirit will comfort you, that His presence will lift you up, that His peace will strengthen you; having faith and staying in that faith no matter what you see, hear, feel, or otherwise think, THAT is how you go on and do not give up and that is how you do not grow weary in well-doing; how you go on in joy.
Tempted to give up? Walking in despair? Take a look at Joseph. Take a look at Jesus. God has this. Believe it. The enemy is liar and a slanderer. But God is faithful and true.
If God be for me, whom shall I fear? If God be for me, who can stand against me?
When I hear the LORD like that, I don't hear an audible voice or even a voice in my head. It's more like a satellite delay or something. When the LORD speaks I am not consciously aware of hearing Him. It's only after I respond to what my spirit has obviously heard that suddenly I have a memory in my mind like I heard a voice speak.
It's a pretty good system really. I know when I'm talking to myself or when the enemy is trying to drop his thoughts and words into my mind and I'd certainly recognize any "voices" talking to me as not originating with the Holy Spirit, because those are all hearing first. With God, it's respond first.
Once when it was to approach a stranger about coming to church I was at a gas pump and was about to start my car when I whipped my head around to look at this young woman behind me at the next pump saying, LORD I don't even know her! As soon as the words were out of my mouth I had a memory as though I had heard a voice say, Go tell her to come to Tribulation Saturday night.
That morning in church my response was making a face and whispering, "Captains?" while thinking, Are you for real? What does that even mean, my captains?
Over the years as I came to understand the nature of spiritual warfare, and my place within it, I grew into an understanding that these were the two men under whose spiritual authority or command the LORD had placed me. On different occasions and with each of them individually and together He has confirmed that status in my life. And it did not change when one of the brothers left our main church and moved over to a next town to plant a daughter church.
This past Sunday I went over to that other church for service to visit as I sometimes do. As always he confirmed some things that the LORD had been teaching me in my private Bible studies and with his teaching for the service he also spoke into my life on the issues and challenges I was facing in my personal life.
That is how I came to this topic today. He spoke about not giving up and the attitude to have in the trials. The message was out of Genesis 37-40; looking at some of the elements within the story of Joseph.
His points were to stay deligent, remaining consistent in your faith and believing God and what He has purposed for you. Staying positive, understanding your spirit would need this as you moved through the trials and attacks as the enemy tried to stop it. Staying hopeful, accepting delays are part of the process of coming into what God plans for you. Staying focused, knowing God is going to make good on the dream and desires He has put into your heart and He uses the trials, the attacks, and the time to train you and teach you and strengthen you.
From Joseph we learn don't give up, trust the process, look at all Joseph went through, don't hold a record against those that do you wrong, and God has a purpose that will not be thwarted. Trusting God, knowing whatever is going on in the RIGHT NOW, He never takes His eyes off of you. He does not for one moment forget you.
The Scripture says God turns all things to His purpose for good for those who love Him and who are the called according to His purpose. If you trust the LORD, if you call out as a liar any thing that suggests He cannot or will not make lemons out of your lemonade, that you will not be made stronger, smarter, and wiser by whatever you are having to endure, and that you will not emerge victorious and better off than where you started, you really will find peace within yourself that surpasses all understanding and a joy unquenchable that operates independently of any superficial feelings of happiness.
For me, this message was confirmed on Wednesday evening, when my Pastor at my regular church, the mother church so to speak, taught out of Hebrews 12. He gave the same message, but he said from Jesus we learn not to give up, to trust the process however painful and how much we have to endure because we love and trust the Lord.
Instead of Joseph he advised looking at all Jesus went through leading to and on the cross. He never held a record against those that hurt Him, abandoned them or did them wrong. And even deep in the pain, hanging on the cross, He was still forgiving and loving and thinking about the care of His family as a priority. He trusted the process even as He experienced the loneliness of being forsaken. He knew what the prize was and that Father was faithful to do as He promised.
Studying the Word, trusting God and knowing He has told you He will never leave you, that His Word will teach you, that His Spirit will comfort you, that His presence will lift you up, that His peace will strengthen you; having faith and staying in that faith no matter what you see, hear, feel, or otherwise think, THAT is how you go on and do not give up and that is how you do not grow weary in well-doing; how you go on in joy.
Tempted to give up? Walking in despair? Take a look at Joseph. Take a look at Jesus. God has this. Believe it. The enemy is liar and a slanderer. But God is faithful and true.
If God be for me, whom shall I fear? If God be for me, who can stand against me?
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
What about when I disobey or miss the mark?
A very dear friend engaged me in a conversation about Romans 9 and the sovereignty of God day before yesterday. Reading 1 John 2 this morning I found myself wading through the same thoughts and queries. How do we bring to bear our understanding on grace and law, on faith and obedience? How do we absorb the seeming contradictions?
We are saved by grace through faith, but we are exhorted to obedience and taught if we do not obey then we are a liar when we say we know the LORD for He is not in us. I have often wondered about this. If we are saved by grace, then do we have to get to work to stay saved or to prove our salvation is real? Why is this obedience so strongly impressed upon us as a crucial part of discipleship when it seems to be a contradiction to grace?
I think obedience is a means for us to test ourselves. Perhaps obedience is a way we can strive to understand God and to train ourselves in the pursuit of getting to know Him. Perhaps it is the striving to be obedient that is how we grow ourselves; much as exercise is how we develop our muscles and build our endurance.
I do not strive to obey because I think God will not love me if I do not. I do not want to obey because I fear God will forget me or determine my salvation was an error. I want to obey God because I love Him and because I trust Him. I know that He does not make rules for the sake of rules. He is not a control freak who must enforce His will to prove to me that He is able or because He has some need to have everyone bow to Him.
His rules, His commandments, commands, exist because this world is a dangerous place and Adam sub-let it to the enemy. God's rules will guide me through by the safest route. They provide the safest path in a world where nowhere is safe; except beneath His wings. Abiding in Him I can come to no harm.
In a raging, killer storm, the disciples got so frightened they awoke Jesus. He rebuked them for their lack of faith but He calmed the storm. He had told them they were going to the other side and since they were not yet at the other side, the storm was really irrelevant.
But I also see that they had enough sense to know that He was the One they needed in the storm. They woke Him knowing He could take care of the problem causing their fears. And though He did rebuke them, He also did calm the storm.
Thinking on that in the context of obedience, I think I am comforted. I should be obedient. I know I want to be obedient; not out of fear or self-righteousness, but as an act of love.
I love Jesus, I love Father, I love the Holy Spirit living in me. I want to please God because I love Him. I am grateful for His love and all that He does for me; only beginning with Salvation, and I want to obey Him, I want to abide in Him, I want to live in His presence. Not for what He can do for me, but just to be with Him.
So striving to be obedient, wanting to be obedient, is obedience; even when we fail by commission or omission. God sees into our heart. When we disobey or fail to obey or get out of His will, we still know Who is our source; we still want to obey; we still try to obey. We are still turning in the boat to wake Him up and say, "Hey! Over here! Do you see what is going on?"
And yes, He rebukes us, but it is not rebuking us for sinning, for not being obedient. He is rebuking us for thinking He does not know our hearts, for thinking He is not able, for thinking He would ever forsake us or leave us.
And even when He rebukes us, He still calms that storm. Even though now we know we were safe in that boat all along no matter how that storm raged and no matter how that storm pointed out how puny were our sailing skills-- He still put it down.
So when I mess up, when I fail, when I am not obedient, I am going to just look over at Jesus and know that storm can not harm me because He is with me. My skills may be ineffective and leave me at the mercy of the storm, but I am not dependent upon my skills. I abide in the LORD where no storm can harm me. In His time, if and when He wants to do so, all He has to say is, "Peace, be still." and that storm has to subside.
But if He doesn't-- then that storm, even manufactured out of my own disobedience or foolishness, cannot harm me as long as I don't leave the boat or lose sight of my Master. And always, through every screw-up, every loss, every heartache and bad judgement call -- through every storm my sailing skills are improving.
As long as I want to be obedient and strive to be obedient, I will learn and continue on the path of becoming better at it; lessening the storms brewed in my life. Because I can never lose my Salvation. He will never leave me and all I have to do is strive for Him, turn to Him, want Him, and He will always be near.
We are saved by grace through faith, but we are exhorted to obedience and taught if we do not obey then we are a liar when we say we know the LORD for He is not in us. I have often wondered about this. If we are saved by grace, then do we have to get to work to stay saved or to prove our salvation is real? Why is this obedience so strongly impressed upon us as a crucial part of discipleship when it seems to be a contradiction to grace?
I think obedience is a means for us to test ourselves. Perhaps obedience is a way we can strive to understand God and to train ourselves in the pursuit of getting to know Him. Perhaps it is the striving to be obedient that is how we grow ourselves; much as exercise is how we develop our muscles and build our endurance.
I do not strive to obey because I think God will not love me if I do not. I do not want to obey because I fear God will forget me or determine my salvation was an error. I want to obey God because I love Him and because I trust Him. I know that He does not make rules for the sake of rules. He is not a control freak who must enforce His will to prove to me that He is able or because He has some need to have everyone bow to Him.
His rules, His commandments, commands, exist because this world is a dangerous place and Adam sub-let it to the enemy. God's rules will guide me through by the safest route. They provide the safest path in a world where nowhere is safe; except beneath His wings. Abiding in Him I can come to no harm.
In a raging, killer storm, the disciples got so frightened they awoke Jesus. He rebuked them for their lack of faith but He calmed the storm. He had told them they were going to the other side and since they were not yet at the other side, the storm was really irrelevant.
But I also see that they had enough sense to know that He was the One they needed in the storm. They woke Him knowing He could take care of the problem causing their fears. And though He did rebuke them, He also did calm the storm.
Thinking on that in the context of obedience, I think I am comforted. I should be obedient. I know I want to be obedient; not out of fear or self-righteousness, but as an act of love.
I love Jesus, I love Father, I love the Holy Spirit living in me. I want to please God because I love Him. I am grateful for His love and all that He does for me; only beginning with Salvation, and I want to obey Him, I want to abide in Him, I want to live in His presence. Not for what He can do for me, but just to be with Him.
So striving to be obedient, wanting to be obedient, is obedience; even when we fail by commission or omission. God sees into our heart. When we disobey or fail to obey or get out of His will, we still know Who is our source; we still want to obey; we still try to obey. We are still turning in the boat to wake Him up and say, "Hey! Over here! Do you see what is going on?"
And yes, He rebukes us, but it is not rebuking us for sinning, for not being obedient. He is rebuking us for thinking He does not know our hearts, for thinking He is not able, for thinking He would ever forsake us or leave us.
And even when He rebukes us, He still calms that storm. Even though now we know we were safe in that boat all along no matter how that storm raged and no matter how that storm pointed out how puny were our sailing skills-- He still put it down.
So when I mess up, when I fail, when I am not obedient, I am going to just look over at Jesus and know that storm can not harm me because He is with me. My skills may be ineffective and leave me at the mercy of the storm, but I am not dependent upon my skills. I abide in the LORD where no storm can harm me. In His time, if and when He wants to do so, all He has to say is, "Peace, be still." and that storm has to subside.
But if He doesn't-- then that storm, even manufactured out of my own disobedience or foolishness, cannot harm me as long as I don't leave the boat or lose sight of my Master. And always, through every screw-up, every loss, every heartache and bad judgement call -- through every storm my sailing skills are improving.
As long as I want to be obedient and strive to be obedient, I will learn and continue on the path of becoming better at it; lessening the storms brewed in my life. Because I can never lose my Salvation. He will never leave me and all I have to do is strive for Him, turn to Him, want Him, and He will always be near.
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